i think it was around sometime this year when the drifting started to set in. i mean, remain silent all you want but you can't deny that there's some kinda spark missing whenever we get together. i tried to to just go with the flow but everytime things fall back down. no longer on the same frequency anymore and only bounded by the vagueness of questions and answers whenever we make conversation now. nothing deeper. nothing deeper like how the best of friends connect to each other in every single way. and how we'll miss each other when we're not around each other and enjoy talking to one another when there's the chance.

i really thought alot before writing this post because i dont know which direction is this gonna take us if this was poured out and how you guys are gonna handle it. i know this is a 2nd time a post like this is happening. but at the same time i feel that i can no longer keep mum about it cos it keeps stirring inside of me.

personally i feel that i will really appreciate someone/ some people whom i can call as a soulmate best friend. i dont ask for sticky friends who'll need to hang out and be in contact 24/7 but someone whom i can cherish and willingly share all my thoughts and feelings about everything whenever i want. and also someone in return to lets me in their lives just like i'll let them. guess what, there's alot of stuff i've never told you guys about since the day i felt like maybe it wasn't worth telling you guys about stuff anymore. because, you never care? big or small matters. and also if you rate the percentage of stuff talked about between us it's probably 80% you and 20% me. oh i've tried to talk to you guys about my stuff. i've tried. but all i get in return was lukewarm responses and answers which kinda conveyed you didn't wanna hear what i have to say anymore. we hardly ever also talk about us if you realised. it's always among some other people, some other girl, some other couple. and i dont know if you've realised i've always been pretty much keeping quiet whenever you guys go yada yada yada on some topic but dont seem to give a shit anyways.

it's all the little little things that builds up over time. little things which i would have overlooked in the past but strangely i find it always happening all over again and it makes me wonder is this really how good friends are supposed to be? sadly i dont feel that love, the helpfulness, the consideration, the kindness among us anymore. oh my gosh it's so freaking lacking in these departments. there's so many little incidents that accumulate to this which you might not realised. and no, im not being over-sensitive or emotional because it's those little actions you do over a long period of time which counts more.

let's face it. how much are we in each other's lives now? am i supposed to keep my options opened? im not sure whenever you guys would have read this. but if you do, maybe we can talk. although talk is cheap. because we had a similar convo about this awhile back. you knew what was i trying to say. thinking back i felt that some stuff you said were like excuses though. and being bffs isnt just about labelling/calling each other as bffs literally in facebook and twitter statuses/messages and not being what it is truly is underneath it all.

i remembered there was once we were trying to take a picture and you said you heard that we're not supposed to take a photo in threes because one person is bound to drift apart. idk where that saying came from but it really hit me in the head then because i already knew it was happening.

i just wanna have a bunch of good friends whom i can be soulmates with and share everything regarding our lives in a balanced way. i know it might be difficult after this if you had read this because things might get awkward since you know how i actually feel all these while. frankly im really envious of people with best friends. i would never wanna let our 7 years of friendship go to waste either. i just wish there's something we can do about this...

so girls if you feel you have something to say about this no matter what, do let me know.

once again a Merry Christmas to you girls again (christmas isnt over there's 12 days of it) and a Happy New Year 2011.

just case we dont text each other till then. ;)