I'm actually unsure if the blog is the best place to rant on about stuff or just pour out your thoughts on particular sensitive matters. Because some stuff are bound to be about some people who might be reading this space. Although i'm sure nobody really follows my blog now. But on the other hand, i wished people whom i might be talking about might see what i wrote here because this is an indirect way of letting them know how i feel.

Friends. I'm sure everyone has a bunch of close friends. Ones that you can really count on during important times. Be it only 1 best friend, or a small group of long time close friends. For me, it's used to be like the 5 of us? But now it seems like only the 3 of us. 2 of them kinda drifted off to the other ends of the Pacific Ocean. Maybe occasionally only receiving a floating bottle with a message from them. Well, something like that.

Anyway, down to the 3 of us. It might only be on my part but sometimes i feel like we don't really connect on the same level anymore. It's true that we are all busy with our own lives everyday. Hardly any time to meet up but we still try to meet up like once a week, which is good. But somehow i feel like between one of us we don't exactly have the same interests anymore. Sometimes when it's only down to the 2 of us alone or something we actually have hardly anything to talk about. I actually have to rack my brain to think of something else to chat when the silence creeps in. And even when it's the 3 of us together, 2 of them will be chatting with each other most of the time cause they do sometimes meet up with their own bunch of friends whom i dont hang out with. They will chat about the stuff they did and all. Not that i'm jealous, i'm just really bored i have nothing to offer to join in the conversation.

And the thing is, close friends do contact each other every other day dont they? Facebook, twitter, sms? Even if it's to talk about irrelevant stuff. But for us, or for me, we can even go without contact for a week. Or more, if there's such a time i remembered. It's like hey strangers in our own world till we hang out again. Sometimes i feel they dont really appreciate some of my ideas or suggestions. Sometimes i wished they would be more spontaneous about stuff. Things get monotonous sometimes. I wished it will be more lively and crazy among us.

Sometimes i'm envious when i see some of my friends just posting ridiculous fun shoutouts to their besties and all on facebook. It's the keeping in contact that makes every go. And grow. I really like the friendship going on in One Tree Hill. It just makes life feel much better. Sometimes, i wished i have like a single BFF. One that does everything together. I think that kinda relationship is something so wonderful that can last you till your final days on earth.

I chat online everyday with the peeps from my class. Even more than my besties. I've been to many more new places with them recently than with my besties. More time spent and more laughter generated when hanging out with the school peeps. I'm glad i have my besties in my life. But i hope it doesn't come to a day when we feel it we are all just like the rest of the 'normal' friends we have. I must say i do picture them being my bridesmaids or something on the day i get married.

I'm not saying this to say 'I'm done' with my besties. It's just how i've been feeling for quite sometime now. I'm not sure they'll read this. I dont know if i want them to read or not. I do try my best and fulfill my part in this friendship. And i just hope for the same in return.