Sometimes the reason why i do not like to seek advice or have discussions with my mom is due the fact that she will FUCKING nag in the end for sure.

It starts off fine. She tells me what she thinks is suitable and then she starts finding fault with me by nagging about my bad habits (associated with the topic discussion, or not) and then she'll nagnagnagnagnagnagnag and i'll end up being so damn pissed off i just wanna shove her out of my room and slam the door in her face.

So it ends up i'm still stuck with my problem in hand.

When i think about my future right now, i get very worried. I'm still not done with my university applications yet. What worse, i still cannot be sure what i wanna take up. Everything is just in a whirl. And my mom's constant nagging about me being such a bummer just makes things even more stressed up.

I know i have to do something about my future alright. I dont wanna waste too much time bumming around. I just need the time to think. But i'm not sure how much time i'm gonna take. And it makes me so worried. Worried i'll lag behind my peers. Worried i'll mess up my future. Worried if i'm making a right or wrong decision.

Growing up and having to be even more independent than ever kinda scares me. I guess all these while i've still been like a kid. Pampered and taking things for granted. But i'm willing to accept changes as i grow. I know i have to. Because i can't be such a kid forever. My future is mine to mould. I hope to carve something good out of it. Hopefully, better than good. I know it's not gonna be easy.

Life's never easy anyway.

Sigh. Haven't been going to church for so long. I don't even know what to say about myself in this anymore.