Should i be labelled as someone who is uneasily satisfied with whatever they have?

News is, i got into SP. But... i'm not happy.

When i haven't received any replies from any polys regarding my appeals, i was nervous and worried. Wondering what will happen to me if all appeals fail once again. I was feeling so down.

Then, i finally got into SP. Finally secured a place in a school. But with a course that i hardly have any interest in. A course that i put down on the appeal form because i have no other alternatives. My new R4 couldn't do much either, actually.

I'm feeling upset. But i should be happy that i finally got into a school you say. Actually, i've always wanted to go to this other poly instead. But I don't mind SP. It's... the course. And i just fuggin realise my course is under engineering. Great news huh?

Orientation starts next monday onwards and school starts the week after. I'm not an orientation person. 4 full days of it? I'll go berserk. I'm even planning to leave halfway if i really cant stand it. Or maybe MIA for some days. I don't give a damn even if they call my parents or me. Would they? I know everyone goes through orientations in poly. But sorry, i'm not sure if i'm up for it.

I don't feel like going back to school. I was just starting to enjoy my holidays. And to start all over as a freshmen, i'm so not excited. Feeling like a lost sheep all over again.

I'm feeling so negative about this whole thing. Honestly, i cried a little secretly just now. I hate doing things that i really have no other choice with. I hate the feeling of being stuck in the middle and forcing myself to go through moments which i dread.

Call me a loser who can't accept facts. Or someone who's so unsatisfied with what they have. I really dont care.

Maybe i'm really looking too much to the dark side of this whole thing. I don't wish to too, you know. I guess all i need is time.