O Levels coming up in less than a month. I have to do my best man. Better than my best. It's my ONLY 2nd chance. *meditates*

What's one of the worst things that can happen in a family? Family quarrels. The parents, not the kids. Well, a quarrel once in awhile is good. But if you keep yakking on the whole day it can get pretty frustrating. Ok, there was a little quarrel yesterday morning. And led to a cold war almost the whole day. And during dinner time, my mom was at it again. It was frustrating man. You know, i would prefer a cold war to an ongoing battle? I almost wanted to go 'Urm mom, would you just zip it? As in, shut up?' Of course i didn't say that to her. Din't wanna make things worse.

I just want a happy family you know? I try not to talk back and just keep quiet whenever i'm being nagged or yelled at by my parents. Used to yell back. But when i think back, i always kinda regretted it. Late at night when i'm lying on my bed when many many things are going through my head, one of them will always be regretting my rebellious speech or action. The more i think about it, the more i felt like wanting to just go sit beside them then and tell them i'm sorry. But they will probably think i'm nuts if i suddenly wake them up from their sleep and apologise to them in the wee hours of the morning.

Enough if that. You know, i must admit i kinda dread going to church every Sunday. Not because i dont wanna worship but becoz i'm lonely there. Dig this: i hardly know anyone in the youth min. Used to know them last time. But kinda backslided a couple of years back. And now, it's hard to wanna join them again. Yesterday, it hit me that i was just a loner when i'm in church. Bet u didn't know i can be a loner somewhere. The only few pple i know, it's always the usual hi, bye and how's school. Sucks. I felt so bored. So lonely. So pathetic. Yeah, that's the word. Pathetic. I feel like such a poor thing. I thought i was so pathetic i almost cried. It just sucked. Wallowing in self-pity.

And my mom was like 'Where's all your friends? Why you so anti-social?' Well, i really dont know. (: I'm only like this in church. Anyway i go to church only once a week and i dont think there's a need to know anyone well. Is it fair to say it this way?

Anyway, when i'm feeling... shitty, just the thought of one thing makes me feel better. Going to taiwan! That's one of my ultimate wishes no matter what. I just want to go there. I have to! I 've made a pact with my good friends to go there this time next year. Hopefully by that time i would have saved enough cash. And somehow, my parents will relent and allow me to go there just with my good friends. Man, i'm really excited. Don't ask me why taiwan. Even if i had loads of cash and can afford to go to other wonderful places like Paris, Italy or LA, i will wanna go Taiwan first. (:






actually, he's one of my reasons for taiwan...